I have written this post a million times in my head. After 10 years being married to Jarrett, my one and only love, there is a billion things to say. How we have raised each other (getting married at 20 years old), how we have been to the height and depth of every human emotion possible (bringing 4 children into this world and losing Trek), how he has kept me safe, loved, adventurous, cared for, happy, and made me a mother.
Jarrett is everything to me. He is the beginning and end of our family, he keeps it going financially and emotionally. I wouldn’t change one thing about him, we fit together perfect. I love him with all that I am, and would choose him over and over again.
I could go on and on. There is not a love letter written or love song sung in this world that would not apply to him and my love for him. I take them all and apply them to us.
I woke up to my favorite coffee in bed, flowers on the table, and a love letter of my very own from Jarrett. When I read his letter to me through tears and laughter, I knew I could not beat it. It was perfect. So I asked him if I could share his letter. I am using it to mark the love we feel on this day. I add to it a love quote I found last year and have been saving to share with him on this exact day.
So here is my quote for Jarrett to celebrate our 10 years of love. Followed by his love letter to me.
Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two. – Captain Corelli’s Mandolin
I love you Jarrett, I am so glad we will forever be entwined. your love always, Chelsea
Jarrett’s love letter to me:
June 5, 2014
Ten years ago a boy decided to marry a girl. It was an easy decision. She was breathtakingly beautiful, complete with a glowing personality and a rare ability to make everyone around her happy. She had silky brown hair with deep brown eyes. Her skin was perfectly tan and soft. Her voice was melodic and she possessed a laugh that melted his soul.
When he had asked her to marry him, the boy was unsure if she would say yes. He asked her in October. There was nothing wrong with asking a girl to marry you in October…unless the girl had told him not to ask until December (which she had). He didn’t listen (a common problem she would find). The boy was foolish with love and found the prospect of waiting as unbearable. So he asked and she said yes. The two had never kissed; At least not on the lips. That changed when she said yes. The two stayed together under the moonlight and kissed until they could kiss no more.
This would be easy…
The two were married and the boy became a husband and the girl a bride. The husband worked and went to school. The bride did the same. Every night they would do something fun together. Play a game, watch a movie, go to dinner, or make new friends.
Sometimes it wasn’t easy…
The husband didn’t know it, but he was his own person, with his own thoughts , opinions, and habits. He had just assumed that his bride’s thoughts, opinions, and habits would be the same as his own. He was wrong. She was completely different than he was. Sometimes he would say things and it would bother her and make her sad. He would talk to her and it would make it worse. Being married wasn’t as easy as he thought it was going to be.
Thankfully, the husband truly loved her and she truly loved him. Over time, the husband realized how important it was to be truly in love with his bride and she with him. For true love, loves even when the other person doesn’t deserve it. Or hurts you, or is mad at you, or is hopelessly sad because of something you said. True love forgives when it is easier to hate. Stays when it is easier to leave and forgets when it is easy to remember.
Even though it wasn’t easy, it was worth it to be with his love…
The husband and the bride started to learn how to be together and accept each other for who they were. Now it would be easy, he thought. Nothing else would complicate things or change from now until eternity.
This would be easy…
Or so he thought, until the bride walked in holding a stick. The husband had seen one of these sticks before on television and at the store. It had two lines on it and she was smiling. She told him she was pregnant. The husband was reading a magazine and thought about what she had said. He had known they would have children, but he hadn’t planned on that being now. For a moment, he was afraid at the notion. But her smile warmed him. Her beauty reminded him that it was their love that had made this baby and it would be a combination and representation of that love. No matter what, this was good.
It was only one…
Than two, than three, and four. With each child, time became more precious, more valuable. Each child was different in spectacular and beautiful ways. For each birth, the husband and bride were at different places in their life. For the first, they were busy finishing school. The second, they were playing house. The third was born while living in an island paradise called Maui, and the fourth on the island of Galveston. Each were beautiful and amazingly different. Two looked like the husband and two like the bride. They named them Peyton, Conner, Trek, and Vesper. They loved each of them like air. Each was precious, perfect, special.
Trek, the husband and bride’s third son did not get to live a long life. It was both magical and painful. His birth changed their lives and his name was a prophecy of the life they would lead with him. He was stolen fourteen months into his life. While he lived though, it was glorious. Glorious in pain and glorious in life. The husband and bride abandoned everything to spend time with their family while he was alive, traveling the world and going on many adventures. His death changed them both, leaving them profoundly empty with a cavernous void inside that would always be vacant because of his absence. But they had no regrets of their time with him.
The fourth was a rainbow miracle…
The doctors had told the husband and bride that any future children they had would most likely be sick like the third. While they loved the third child, they were scared to bring another baby from their love only for them to live a short life. But a fourth was needed for the bride who was now a mommy. She felt hopelessly empty that her nest had two when it should have three. The husband knew that she had too much love in her heart for only three children; they needed a fourth. Like before, they made a child with their love and miraculously, she was healthy. The sickness that had claimed the third would not claim the fourth.
There was something different about the fourth…
The child was a girl. Previously, the husband and bride had not thought they could make a girl. But this was their rainbow baby. Their miracle. Anything was possible with a rainbow baby and they were glad to be joined with a beautiful baby girl that looked just like the bride.
Ten years in…
Four children, many adventures, much love, much pain, and much hope for the future. The husband now knows that his bride was the most special and intelligent decision he had ever made. He knows how empty and hopeless his life would be without his family. He is excited about what the future holds. The adventures they will have. The love they will share. Watching his precious children grow with his bride.
Looking back, he knows one thing for certain. He wouldn’t change a thing.
Love you bride,
June 5, 2004
the depths: letting Trek go