Saturday, June 21st marked the 2nd year we have lived without Trek. There’s not a lot to say about it. It’s not a day to celebrate, I hesitate to mark it with an event because it was the worst and most horrifying day of my life. I cannot bear to make it seem good on the date of June 21st because it just wasn’t and isn’t. It was the last day I held a breathing, smiling, nursing Trek in my arms. I remember every second of that day-before and after he left. I tried to read the blog post from that day, but just couldn’t, I had no desire to relive it all.
I did go and reread my feelings from last year, on his 1st angelversary. And I felt very similar then-to just let the day evolve naturally because I had no desire to mark it.
We wanted to do something though, just to let Trek know how much we missed him and how much he means to us. So we went to the store and the boys picked out a bunch of balloons. We went to visit my sister and her family that day, so we picked out some boy balloons for Peyton and Conner and their cousins to release.
Without fail I always see Trek in that little line up, I know I always will. When these boys get married and inevitably choose each other for groomsmen I will see Trek standing there in his tuxedo too. Trek is 8 months younger than my nephew Jackson on the left, so they would have been friends.
sending up some balloons for Trek to play with and see
We also bought some blue and white ones to release with Jarrett when he got off of work. Jarrett left work early that day, he was having a hard day thinking about the loss of Trek. We picked him up and went home and talked awhile. We were planning to go to the beach and release the balloons, but the boys asked to stay home and do it. So we went out into our yard and let them go. We stood there a long time and watched until we could not see them anymore. We then sat out in the driveway and watch Peyton and Conner play without talking much. We have so much to be thankful for, 3 perfectly alive and beautiful children, but the pain of missing the 4th, wishing he was alive too, will always overshadowed even the happiest of days.
And then this happened! Our tears quickly turned into laughter:) As you can see in the picture above with all of us, that tree is about 4 feet away from our release zone-hehe.
Jarrett got them down with a broom handle.
Take 2 was better and barely cleared the houses and the power lines, but it lifted up at the last second. Up and away to our sweet little Trek.
And to send some love to Trek here is a riddle from his brother Conner.
Conner: What is touching you, but you cannot see it, but it can see you?