One year ago today I was standing in our Maui house as a pirate mom with a pirate baby
One year ago today I had a chubby, perfect little baby boy
so cute and funny holding his sword
One year ago today I had no clue that in 12 months I would no longer be able to hold Trek and that he would be dead
Trek in his super sexy pirate diaper
One year ago today I did not know that this was Trek’s 1st and last Halloween
haha, I love this picture, no one would dare mess with these two
Trek would always try to get my camera when I would take his picture:)
One year ago today my world was complete
Here is the post I made last year of Trek’s 1st Halloween. When I read these old posts it always amazes me how carefree and silly I was. It makes me wonder if I will ever be that way again. I still feel mostly the same as I always have, but then how could I ever be the same? I really miss him.
You are the same loving Mother as always just a BIG part of you is now in Heaven watching you as you move on…follow his lead. You are still just as silly and JUST as WONDERFUL as always! And maybe even more LOVING than before!! Hugs to all…Have a Blessed Day my beautiful sweet love.
thank you so much Nancy, that means so much to me and I know you are right, I just miss him so much it hurts. xoxo
thank you so much sweet Danielle-xoxo
Pirates and power rangers! Awesome! Thinking of you today. Hugs
it was a great trio:) xoox
Beautiful memories! Sometimes I wonder if ignorance is bliss? How are you celebrating in Thailand?
yes ignorance is bliss.
Love the pictures as much as I did last year! You amaze me how quickly you threw together your costumes! You still are carefree & silly, so don’t be afraid to let it out! It won’t mean you miss Trek any less, but rather you’re showing him how much you love him as he watches down over you. Love, hugs & kisses!
thanks aunt jalene, love you
me too Kate. I am glad i have it recorded it hear too, it is priceless to me.
I remember that day so well, it was such a fun Halloween with you all and Trek was the cutest pirate that day that I have ever seen!! I am so sorry
I know it will never seem the same. I am happy that you are still able to be the best mama to Peyton and Conner, that takes so much and I cannot imagine. I hope that each day you are able to live carefree and silly for sweet Trek just like you did with him. He loved that about you and I loved watching him with you. I love you so much Chelsea and I am so sorry.
thanks amanda, it was a special day and I am so thankful that you got to be with me in so much of Trek’s life:)
Girl three years ago around this time I was very pregnant and found out I wasn’t the only one pregnant by my husband and high school sweetheart. Here I am now three years later new awesome husband and baby girl later and I still deal with it every day. I know my situation is different then yours but I can totally understand that desire for the old innocent me. The me that believed in fairy tails and whimsical fancys. My oldest baby bless her heart had to deal with way to many adult emotions and it kills me. That’s why you guys touch my heart so. I know my pain is doubled in you situation and I don’t wish it on anyone. I am thinking about you guys and the other NPA mommas today.
thank you Lauren for sharing that, I am sorry you had to go thru that, what a nightmare. It is so hard to see the ugly side of life, I was perfectly happy being oblivious to it. thanks for sharing and I am so glad you have some of the fairy tale back:). xoxo
Beautiful pictures of beautiful memories, Chelsea. When we lose what is dearest to our hearts, we are never the same. As time passes, we are ok; we are even good. We are the same, but different. I love it that you recognize that and that you tackle your feelings head on and honestly. I think the only way to be able to continue to rejoice in every day is to accept our losses and the pain that goes with them and incorporate them into our present selves. Nothing will ever make Trek’s death ok or alright. But nothing will ever take away the gift of his life either. It is such an unfathomable mystery, the human heart. Sending good thoughts and much love your way.
thank you Cathy, that was beautiful and just perfect. xoxo
Best pirate ever … Those cheeks are so squeezable!! Thinking of you today, I know it is going to be an impossibly hard one. Thanks for sharing the beautiful pictures. Can’t wait to see if the boys are dressing up this year. Love and hugs. Xoxo
he did have the best cheeks, even when he was so skinny at the end he still had the teeniest bit of chub on his cheeks that we would just kiss and kiss:)
You are you, just a different kind of you, with a different kind of carefree and silly. Much love to you guys today. Hold onto those moments when all the world was right. I think it’s how we make it through.
thank you Liz, that was so sweet. xoxo
Oh my goodness, I want a hug from that sweet, chubby pirate. We dressed up as pirates too on our first Halloween with Alexa, and having said that, I’m glad Trek’s only Halloween was spent dressing up in the same costume as you and Jarrett. Always will be memorable, even though the thought of that being his first and last makes it so bittersweet. I’m a what-if type of girl and I keep imagining Trek as he would be if that damn disease didn’t intervene in his perfect life. Emile says I should stop because no one can do anything about stuff that had already happened..but you always wish you could’ve changed things, right? Sorry, didn’t mean to upset you even more. NPA sucks.
I hate it so much..but i know it’s not nearly as much as you and your family do. Sigh. Hugs you guys! Love ya!
I am a what if person too. It helps that I am in Thailand right now and all of the children don’t make me think of what he would look like since they all have dark hair. When i see the occasional blonde hair boy it really hurts, I wonder what he would be like all of the time. I love that we dressed up like him too:) my little pirate
Thinking of y’all always! much love
I always see you as loving and carefree 
thank you sweet Lacy, that means a lot coming from you my dear friend. xoxo
I’m so sorry, Chelsea. I can’t even imagine how rough every day without him is. I’m sure a part of you will never be the same, but I definitely think you’re still silly and carefree. If you don’t believe me, go back to your “death tubing” post
Hugs to you as you soak up the memories and try to push forward. You’re an amazing momma!
thank you Angela, that means a lot to me about how you think I am silly:) it is a hard balance to sort through my feelings sometimes. I am so thankful for Peyton and Conner and Jarrett that keep me so busy and in love to keep living life to the fullest.
My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry for your reality. It must be so hard to look back at the pictures when you were complete. Trek was so perfect. I am happy that you made so many wonderful memories with Trek that you will have always.
thank you Maile, he was so perfect, i really miss his sweet face
I remember this day too, I love you so much friend, and my heart aches for you….
thanks Tina, that means a lot to me. love you too
You gave Trek a perfect Halloween, Chelsea. All three of the boys were so adorable in their pictures and had a wonderful Trick or Treating time with fun-loving mommy and daddy.
Thinking of you all on this gray and rainyHalloween,
From your Ohio friend,
Connie
thank you connie, it was such a fun day that I hold so near to my heart. he was the cutest little pirate;)
What gorgeous photos – such beautiful smiles on all of you
And he was such a beautiful pirate baby! Love that he got to spend time with the most amazing loving family ever. So happy that he was surrounded by those that loved him, and gave him the best Halloween party ever. Wish there was more for all of you. Wish it was different xxxx
thank you so much Lisa, i wish for that too.