This has been a very emotional day for me. This is the 4 month anniversary of Trek’s death and we are also packing up to move. We leave our Swiss Family Robinson house tomorrow. I am not too sad about moving on from Pai, but something about moving really bothers me every time. I think its because the whole point of us traveling and exploring was to show Peyton, Conner, and Trek the world, now that Trek is missing sometimes its like a slap in the face when we go to explore a new place.
I have been packing all day and the number of times I have broken down are many. Trek’s stuff is all over this house even though he never lived here. We travel with 2 of his little t-shirts, his favorite blanket, his ashes, his 3 Brothers go to the Beach book, lots of picture of him, his morphine just in case we ever need it for an emergency, and we use his suitcase.
Most of these things are stuck in different places of the house and over time get covered up by stuff from us just living. Today they were all uncovered, that combined with his angelversary was just too much.
I really miss him.
So I was going to write about our exciting plans for the next week. But then I started looking at pictures of my baby and I found some from one of my favorites nights with him that I never wrote about.
Trek just 6 weeks before he died in Texas when we very visiting my grandparents cabin.
Trek 12 months old in central Texas
a teeny little steakhouse and soda shop off of the highway in the middle of nowhere that my grandparents took us to. It is only open on the weekends and the only way to find out about it is by word of mouth
waiting for our steak
only in Texas
Peyton and 2 freaky indians in the entry way, Conner would not sit by them
me and Trek walking around taking pictures, he did not want me to sit down:) I love this old stove
Conner came outside with us because he did not want to sit down either. I thought these lights were so fun!
after our amazing steak we rolled ourselves next door to the ice cream shop-there is always room for dessert
it had the cutest gift shop, i was so glad we were traveling and did not have room because I wanted to buy everything
me and Trek being silly
our cousin Jared ordered a root beer float
Jarrett, Grandaddy, and Granny talking and enjoying their amazing milk shakes
my snuggly sweet Trek
Thinking of you. I know how tough it is and I am so sorry that you are going through this. I haveno doubt that Trek is with you and you will see him again one day. I will be praying that the happy memories being smiles and not tears. Hang in there. From one NPA angel mom to another. Deanna
thank you so much Deanna, i know you understand and I am so sorry for you too. sending you so much love, Chelsea
I’m sorry your day has been difficult and I know you miss your sweet angel. My heart aches for you, so I’ll keep praying. I love that you call this day his “angelversary”! Love the pics as always. Just keep on keepin’ on my sweet niece ~ Trek is with you!
thank you so much Aunt Jalene, it means more than you know that you always comment and that you are there for us. we love you so much.
There are just no words…
Love and hugs to you all.
thank you so much Bristelle
I woke up with you on my mind and heart, I am so sorry this is such a difficult day:( I wish I was there to help you! I hope your move goes smoothly and the next place is just perfect for y’all. Sending all the love in my heart to you sweet sister!! love you!
ps..Love the Leona pictures…that was such a neat place, we love it too and I agree about the gift shop!! I wanted to buy everything too;) I’m so glad Trek got to be a part of that special memory:)
me too, I LOVED that place, I want to go again, will you go with me this time? thanks for always thinking of me and having the sweetest things to say. love you
It’s hard to think of you all leaving that idyllic paradise of a home, but as you said, you wanted to show your boys the world, not just one corner of it. On to the next adventure!
very nicely put and I needed to hear that Robin so thank you. The moving part in between always discourages me, but we are here now so I am better:) xoxo
May peaceful happy memories fill your day with love.
thank you so much sweet Jill, i know you understand. xoxo
Thinking of you and sweet Trek today. The song “May Angels Lead You In” came to mind when I read this post so I had to listen to it again. The lines that touched me the most go, “And if you were with me tonight,
I’d sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
God couldn’t let it live.”
I kick myself for not meeting Trek when he was still alive..so sad I only knew him after he passed. I would have loved to hug the little angel who continues to inspire me and my family.
Hugs, Chelsea! Sending lots of love your way.
what a beautiful song and words Marie, thank you so much for sharing them. I understand about meeting Trek, I wish so much I could have met Wylder the other little boy that died just one month after Trek did with NPA. thanks for all your kind words-xoxo
You all are in my thoughts and prayers for this difficult time. Sweet baby Trek will be with you everywhere you go and I am sure he is so proud of you all for being so amazing !! Sending love and hugs your way.
thanks for your love and hugs Amy, that means so much to me. xoxo
It must be so…… there is not a word for it I’m sure. Wherever you go the plumerias and other signs of Trek will be right there waiting. Keep smiling xx
thank you emma and your are right, there is no word for it. Jarrett and I actually talked that there should be a word like “widowed” that really captures the depth of pain from losing a baby.
I’m so sorry this is so hard for you, wish there was some way I could help make it easier for you, I do know it is difficult, just wish it didn’t have to be though, and I truly believe Trek is with you always no matter where you go he goes too, Looking forward to reading more on your travels and lots of pics, Lots of love and hugs to you all<3
thank you so for you sweet words Kelly-xoxo
Oh Chelsea, I know it is a very difficult day for you. He is an angle for sure, and I love your nickname for it. Praying you find peace!
thank you so much for your love and prayers-xoxo
Change is always so difficult! I’m so sorry that that sweet delicious boy isn’t traveling physically with you. Somehow in my heart I know he’s with you in spirit, but you and I know that’s just not the same! It sucks most days! Praying for your hearts as you trek on in this journey, eyes open, hearts open, looking ahead to what is in store, and always looking to the past because of one insanely inspirational boy who never said a word…wow, I just thought about that…he never said a word, yet has inspired every blog post of yours, as well as two books from his daddy…when we live outside the box and allow God’s goodness to seep outside the box, it’s astounding how beauty truly can come from sorrow and, I won’t put words in your mouths, but in our case, how, even though we we grateful people long ago, just how very much we treasure in the day to day now. Love you guys. And when I write that, I mean it, even though we’ve only met once. Praying for your hearts and travels. xoxox
oh Adrienne, you are so wonderful at expressing your feelings and mine so perfectly. you could write a book about Noah and a grieving mama’s journey, you have such great advice and insight. i love you and I am so thankful for you.love, chelsea
I love your word “angelversary”–your angel will be with you as you go on in your journey. You’ll see reminders of that, just as you have in every other place you’ve been. Looking forward to reading all about your continuing adventures!
Will you be able to leave a forwarding address? My boys and I sent something to your boys and you, all the way from Canada…I was hoping it would have made it there by the time you moved, but I don’t think it’s been long enough yet.
thanks Ali, i read that somewhere about angelversary and i made me both happy and sad. I just wish i never had to know what it meant. Thanks for reading all our travels. And yes I have asked the family we rented from to forward our mail so I will let you know when we get it:) Thank you so much for thinking of us!!! xoxo
No words Chelsea … No words. Just know that we think of you all often and think what you are doing is amazing. Trek sits on my desk and peeks out at me from behind a dream board I made for wylder. His face is so sweet and we will remember always! Sending lots and love. Xxoo
thank you Shannon, that means so much coming from a mama that understands exactly what I feel. thanks for having Trek’s picture up-xoxo
Thinking of you all – wish I had something/anything to say that would make a difference. Love to you all – all the best with the move xx
thank you Lisa, it helps that you say anything at all-more than you know-xoxo
So true, dear Chelsea – there are just no words. Sending thoughts for peace and comfort along with much love.
thank you Cathy-xoxo