I have not cried for Trek in a couple of days. The last few days I have had a reprieve from my grief and I have been remembering and dwelling on his smiles and our happy family moments with him. I got into a hot bath today and poured  some of his lavender calendula baby wash under the running water. Without a warning tears started streaming down my face. My nose triggered my brain before my heart knew what had happened.

Like a flood his smell overtook me and I weeped for my baby. He always smelled of lavender and milk, I would know, I smelled him all day long.

I was taken back to his bath times which he loved so much. Some of them were in his Puj tub, most were cuddled in a warm bath with me, all of them he would fall asleep in. I think his little body was free with no pressures on his organs when he was floating in the water. He relaxed and closed his eyes and I would just stare and love on him. He smelled of lavender and calendula long after his bath.