I have not cried for Trek in a couple of days. The last few days I have had a reprieve from my grief and I have been remembering and dwelling on his smiles and our happy family moments with him. I got into a hot bath today and poured some of his lavender calendula baby wash under the running water. Without a warning tears started streaming down my face. My nose triggered my brain before my heart knew what had happened.
Like a flood his smell overtook me and I weeped for my baby. He always smelled of lavender and milk, I would know, I smelled him all day long.
I was taken back to his bath times which he loved so much. Some of them were in his Puj tub, most were cuddled in a warm bath with me, all of them he would fall asleep in. I think his little body was free with no pressures on his organs when he was floating in the water. He relaxed and closed his eyes and I would just stare and love on him. He smelled of lavender and calendula long after his bath.
The pictures of sweet Trek bathing are so beautiful, he looks so peaceful and perfec! I especially love the last one, just priceless. Thinking of you and your family always.
thank you sandra, he loved water-baths, pools, oceans in any way, i .love that last photo too-xoxo
Such beautiful pictures of your sweet beautiful boy and of his beautiful mama. I am so sorry sweet sister, I cannot fathom how much you miss him. I miss him so much and I am only his Auntie. I love you and each of you are on my heart non stop. I wish you could have had forever with him.
i wish i could have him forever too, love you amanda
Enjoy those little moments every time they surface. Tears can be healing too.
thank you so much Jill, it was nice to just love on him and think of him
i love all my pictures of him, they bring back such good memories
Such beautiful pictures of your baby boy. I’m so sorry for your loss. I think and pray for you and your family everyday. Wish there was something anyone could say to help take the pain away. xoxo
thank you for your love and prayers Christy-much love, Chelsea
My sweet Chelsea – my heart hurts so much for you and how empty you feel without sweet baby Trek. We all miss him so much, but I know it’s very different with you since you held his precious little body constantly. The pictures are beautiful & reminders of how much you loved each other. Love you, miss you, and wish I could be there to hug you close.
it was so special, i know he loved me so much, i treasure the bond we had and i long for him. sweet baby boy
I’ve heard that our sense of smell is the sense most closely linked to the memory portion of our brain. Breathe him in and remember, sweet Chelsea…
I will Amy, I have plenty of his baby wash left. he always smelled so good.
I really have no words…. all I can express is that my heart is deeply moved once again…. much love to you and your beautiful family!!
thank you gioia, i was reading an old post from when Trek was diagnosed and I saw you had posted a comment all the way back then. Thank you for taking this journey with my family. it means so much-xoxo, Chelsea
Precious moments you’ll forever remember Chelsea. I am grateful for your presence (no matter the distance) and inspiration you have brought to me. May you continue to heal through the tears and smiles of your memories of Trek and the love of your 3 men. Peace, Blessings, and Aloha.
Once again,beautiful,what an amazing little boy.
Gorgeous photos. He looks so beautiful and at peace, and the last photo of you two is breath taking
What beautiful pictures. I love when you post pictures of you and Trek. You can just feel the love between you.
awww chelsea this broke my heart im so very sorry. i cant imagine how much u miss him and hurt but i wished so much i could take some it away from you. he is so very beautiful and i miss him so much just reading about him and seeing his everyday adventures. i know he is having glorious ones still though as he travels with all of you every day, not to mention all the wonderful adventures he is having in heaven and with our God. i loved all the pictures thank you so much for sharing them. he looks so happy and at peace and when he is around his mommy in every pic you post he is home and sooo happy. it shines thru you both so very much. i must say though i would love to find the lavender calendula so i could use it on my baby too it smells wonderful and i would love to smell sweet Trek too!! thank you so much for always sharing your beautiful life i wake up and go to your page every day thank you for that. we love you all so much and prayers and love are with you all everyday always… like sweet Trek!!
Chelsea I just love looking at these pics and I can almost imagine I can smell the lavender and calendula! Trek is such a beautiful angel baby, how you must miss him. ((hugs & prayers))
Alice
we do miss him so much, thank you for your hugs and prayers Alice, whenever I smell lavender i think of him, it is a beautiful reminder
we do miss him so much, thank you for your hugs and prayers Alice, whenever I smell lavender i think of him, it is a beautiful reminder-xoxo
What beautiful mama and baby photos! He totally adored his Mama. I’m sure you were his world, as he was yours. My husband always says he can feel our son loves him and all but nothing compares to the serenity that seem to surround him when he’s nestled in my chest. If I had one wish, it would be that babies never get sick and get to live until they’re grey and old. If only I could make that wish, Chelsea. You 5 are always in my prayers. My daughter has Trek’s tattoo and whenever someone asks her what the tattoo is of, she proudly says “Embrace Life.” much love to you guys and your little angel happily watching from above. Trek never left, he is always in your heart..the one place where he always belonged. Sweet boy will never be forgotten.
wow, Marie, that is so sweet. thank you for sharing your wish, i also wish that. and about your sweet little girl sharing Trek’s message. much love to your family, xoxo
You are such an amazing mother!!
that is so kind Stacy, thank you, Trek made it so easy-xoxo
I really think he must be the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. What a gorgeous little angel he must be!
aww, that was a tough one to read! I can feel how much you miss him. Look at how much he loves you in those pictures
thank you Maile, i do miss my little friend so much
I know he can still smell you too, babies know their momma by their smell! And I know he can still smell you and is waiting until the day he gets to run into your arms and give you the biggest hug and kisses and show you all the cool things he’s been doing!
that is the sweetest thought, it made me teary, thank you jen
Those pictures are so beautiful. Peaceful little boy. (((hugs)))
he was so peaceful, i am so thankful for that-xoxo
Such beautiful pictures. What a bond and special moments to have in your memory forever. I bet he smelled like heaven on earth. Xoxo
he did smell like heaven-sweet boy
Sweet Chelsea ~ that first picture has always been one of my favorites, but they are all perfect. “My nose triggered my brain before my heart knew what had happened.”….such depth in those words. I love y’all and continue praying for you. Hugs & kisses!
that is one of my favorite pictures too
Sweet, sweet! I love that you got a “scent” memory/emotion! I know they are hard and come out of nowhere, but still such beauty in the unexpected blessing of it! I used to put a balm on Noah that was lavender, calendula, and comfrey. It was his smell for my nose. All the nurses knew that smell down the hall and loved to put it on him:) I found the balm the other day but after 5+ years the scent had faded. Thankfully it’s something I can get at Vitamin Cottage anytime! And, for you, it’s something you can soothe your aches and sorrows in any time you want to take a “Trek bath…” Love you, sweet mama! xoxox
i bet your Noah smelled delish, what a sweet memory, and yes I have plenty that I can take a Trek bath-xoxo
Oh how sweet is those bath moments! I love how he enjoyed his bath, and would fall asleep with you so easily.
What a gorgeous memory to have, and sch a great way to remember (love hte smell of Lavender)
wish he was still in your sweet mama arms, he is in your heart forever xxxx