Trek left our family 1 month ago today. I wrote this poem for him.
my heart, my Trek
My eyes burn there are no more tears to cry
I close my eyes and start at your toes, I remember each one, so round
And perfect, I see your skinny legs and the roundness of your knee,
Your belly so smooth, your smell, I can still smell it
your hands reach outstretched to me I reach back but you are not there
What is a mother without her child, how can a heart bear the loss of itself
I reach for you with my mind, my body, where are you my love,
I never find you, my body aches for you it is broken now, my breasts are empty
My love, my baby, my heart, my Trek
Trek’s friend Wylder died this morning, he is so handsome and made it past his 3rd birthday. Please send his family all of your love and prayers. You can go to his website below and send his family your thoughts.
Hi you! I just read the poem to Abby, this is what she has to tell you:
I like your poem, how are you doing, are you sad, are you ok, what are you doing? Dear Abby.
I think about you everyday, happy that you guys are free and living life and wishing to bare your burden for even a night. I had a dream last night that was so strange, and in the dream you were telling me about the dots on someones foot, and I knew that was a sign. Then I woke up and it was so strange. Then I read about sweet Wilder, seriously a hansom fella, with such kind and dear parents. It was so unreal. All the babies that have this are just going to Heaven, and it is so hard to comprehend. You and all the other parents are all doing what fit their family and what works for them, and I am SO thankful to get to read your words and almost see your heart through it. It is a constant encouragement and a gift to cherish each day and live without regrets. Your life is touching so many, and spurring me on to be a better mom that lives in the moment more and more and more. I even took the kids to the beach alone! It was major, but I need your words as a reminder. You were always my reminder, even when the kids would come up and play to just freakin chill and not be so uptight!
I miss you guys though, and Amanda and Chet. 
xoxo
he he
Becky and Abby and Boston and even grumpy grey haired Jason
Oh Becky, i have read this comment a hundred times it makes me so happy! first of all tell Abby thank you so much for her letter to me! oh my goodness, that about killed me with how sweet it was, the boys actually brought up abby today. peyton drew a butterfly and he said, abby would like this, so he colored it and wrapped it up and wants me to mail it. Conner, not to be outdone, also drew her a picture which ended up me writing her name, drawing a little girl and then he colored her dress green declaring she would like that color:) and thank you for your sweet thoughts about the babies, yes it is so uncomprehendable. I also smiled soooo big when I read that you took the kids to the beach by yourself!!!!!! I am soo happy for you! that is so special and i am so glad you had that time- love you all (even Jason:)
Oh Chelsea, my heart aches so much for you & what you are experiencing every day of your life now. I know you feel such an emptiness & I wish more than anything that you did not have to endure this loss. No mother should have to. We will forever miss our sweet, precious baby Trek. I love you.
What a beautiful poem for a beautiful little angel. I cannot imagine how y’all feel but I continue to pray for your beautiful family.
thank you Tai
What a beautiful tribute to baby Trek…thank you for sharing your heartfelt feelings with us all. I continue to think and pray for you all often, and wish you some kind of peace in your everyday lives. Your story continues to touch so many…that have never even met you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.
thank you so much Jannette, you are so kind
Chelsea,
Such a beautiful and sad poem, but such an insight into your heart & feelings. I pray that the days will get easier for you, until the time comes when you will be able to enjoy those beautiful memories without so much pain. Always in my thoughts and prayers as you continue your travels and adventures. Thank you for sharing!
thank you so much Alice
I’m so sorry you have to feel this hurt. I can’t imagine what you are going through. Just hoping you feel peace one day
.
Amanda in Colorado
thank you amanda, i find peace everyday in many ways, i am so thankful i have jarrett and the boys to help me with this, but then with Trek and my missing him, I am not sure I ever will. I read a quote that said “you will always miss what you continue to love” xoxo, thank you for always having a kind thing to say
My heart is going to you guys. Cant believe its been a month already. Baby Trek will be forever in your hearts, and forever looking after you. Wish he was still here. Wish a lot of things.
Do know one thing – he is one special little man who makes everyones lives better for knowing him. Sending you all lots of love from Down Under xxx
thank you so much Lisa, it makes my heart smile that you think that, when we find ourselves in Austrailia I would love to visit you and sit on your super cool red/tan/black couches-i thought your new interior of your home was so cool and pretty:)
Thinking of you and your family. I know how tough it is. You will never forget him but things do get easier. Just take it one day at a time. – Deanna
thank you so much Deanna-xoxo
Beautiful poems just wish could take away your pain
thank you sarah
I was just thinking last night that I’m still mourning Trek,and wondered how you were doing.
thank you karen, it means a lot to know how much you care about him-xoxo
Beautiful words, my precious Chelsea. My heart aches for you, Jarrett, Peyton & Conner. It’s hard to believe it’s been a month already since sweet Trek took his heavenly flight. I love you~
love you too
such a beautiful poem my internet has been down for a while and i went straight to your site and saw your poem it is so beautiful and breaks my heart you and your sweet family have to feel Trek’s loss. i wished it was never like that and he was still here running with Peyton and Conner. he is though in all your hearts and souls he is free now as we will all be one day. we love you all and i can wait to read about Thailand and Laos! thank you so much for sharing your soul. we love and miss you sweet baby Trek.
thank you so much selena, i wish he was running with his brothers too. and yes there is much to come of laos and thailand- i am in love with these countries!
Such a beautiful poem for a beautiful child. Even though he isn’t there to hug you he is still in your heart and mind and always will be. Much love to you and all your “boys”.
thank you so much Jill
Im so sorry my sweet sweet sister, You and Jarrett and your boys are soo heavy on my heart each day. You are the most beautiful mama and i know your whole body aches for you littlest love. I just cannot fathom. I send you guys love each day and loved you more than you know.
ps. that was the most beautiful, pure poem I have heard, I know it it the words of your heart and whole being.
thank you amanda, it was, in the middle of the night when i can’t sleep I am a emotional wreck! it just pours out
Pictures painted with words and a pen
of love so sweet it aches.
Tears for love transformed in our hearts
for you and your miracle of love
Prayers raising from our lips to God’s ears
to comfort you in you darkest hour.
Asking the Almighty to give you strength
to carry on for those He leaves behind.
awww, thank you so much, that is beautiful Melissa
Chelsea,
That was a beautiful poem. My heart and tears go out to you.
Peggy
thank you so much peggy
More tears … I didn’t know had so many. So beautiful chelsea. You are an amazing mom. Xoxo
thank you shannon, i have been crying so many for your family too
I got your email a couple of days ago and I keep trying to respond but I couldn’t seem to start typing without crying like a little girl. I can’t believe it’s only been a month since this world lost this beautiful boy. I carry Trek in my heart everyday..eventhough I never had the chance to meet him. As a mom, my heart still breaks for you. I wish I could take away some of the pain. Much love from Calgary.
oh marie, that is so kind, i miss him soo much too, he is so amazing and special the world does not seem right without him. thank you for your sweet words-xoxo
Thank you for passing the news about Wylder along.
you are welcome-we are so sad for his mama and daddy
This reminds me a lot of a poem I wrote shortly after my Emma died. It is so hard as life continues while a huge part of you is gone and is left behind. Sending love and light your way sweetie.
thank you so much Kim-that means a lot to me-xoxo
Just a big hug is all…I’m not poetic, but I traced every square inch of Noah with smooches and memorized them with my eyes and heart. My lips fit perfectly in the bridge of his nose…I know every part of you fit perfectly with Trek’s, too. xoxox
oh my goodness, i love that thought of you memorizing noah. i also have a ritual where i close my eyes and remember each part of his body from his toes to his hair, it comforts me and I do it all the time. i miss that sweet baby so much and would love to kiss his sweet cheeks again. xoxo
Death and distance can never take away what you know in your heart when your eyes are closed…I wish you could kiss his sweet cheeks, too, Chelsea! Much love to you! (FYI: I’d ride on your motorbike, or at least keep you company riding alongside you…nice and slow
)
that is such sweet words, thank you adrienne. and i would love for you to be my slow poke motorbike buddy:)
that is such sweet words, thank you adrienne. and i would love for you to be my slow poke motorbike buddy-:)
What a beautiful poem for your sweet Trek. “How can the heart bear the loss of itself” I think that describes loss so perfectly. Praying for you, especially for your heart.